Such an Interesting Article

I know the people who come to read this thing, or at least think that I do, personally. I have a readership that doesn't require me to take off my shoes to count it up. There may be the occasional random stopper-by, or the quite occasional recommendation regarding a particular article, but since I post with such irregularity I doubt if I have much of a 'following.' I may expound upon the virtues of wondrous gift that is The Jones to oh so many in my public life, but here on the 'net I have basically zero presence and this is the only site that I have put any effort towards fleshing out. My MySpace page, for example, has this one little bit of somewhat interestingness posted on it while the rest is just boring and has no picture. here is the one thing I feel is worth reading from that page:

reggae sucks shit directly out of the asshole of lucifer himself. while i find many dub songs acceptable, reggae is an inexcusable malfeased afterbirth of a musical genre that should be cleansed from our planet with fire and mass executions if possible or necessary. not country so much, hate hippyish crap unless it's got a certain something to it, mostly experimental electronica and hip hop and experimental acoustic and industrial to some extent and hard rock and some nonboring punk rock and some other things that are things that are things that i don't care to classify and gee aren't you having fun reading this.

Fun, neh? Anyone knows how to remove that formatting, let me know and I Just May Do It.
This whole anonymity, to me, is a good thing. Why? Because I can be assured that my readership hovers around zero I feel no pressure whatsoever to post anything, ever. Except sometimes by Beth Yockey, who should post more often as well.


So, I'm free to do what I want here is what I'm saying. I can even do the type ov thin that to me is truly antithetical to a true blog and link to someone else's blog, not out of friendship, but rather because it it just freaking fascinating. read this below and I'll wait here.
here:

http://www.bmezine.com/news/pubring/20061028.html
and if that ain't enough lurid detail for you, here:
http://www.lukeisback.com/stars/stars/michelle.htm



finished? awesome. in the time it took for you to read that I found out that my 'v' button seems to have some kind of rock or something under it. thanks for reading slow or I would have never found that out.

so, whatever you may think about the person at the center ov both those pages, you must admit that it is interesting reading. I personally love stories of people living Life Out Loud, which to me is taking control ov your own life no matter what outside forces, or inside forces, may have to say about it. (I fixed my whole 'v' situation, thanks for waiting.) sure, the way that she decided to subvert her addiction was a little strange, but it's better than taking it out on other people in a violent or accusing way.


so I posted these pages on my site because I thought it as very fascinating and orth discussion. if any of the three of you who read this page believe so as well, post summat here and we'll talk about it like modern people with modern machinery discuss modern ways ov living.


peace out, dog.

Google Music Trends Rocks, World Musical Taste Sucks.

I thought that google music trends page, a page showing a weekly top listing of songs being listened to by gtalk users the world round, was one of the coolest apps in the world until i looked at it. After looking at the quite naturaly bland offerings on the "all genres, all countries" page I decided to head over to something really more up my alley, say, the all country listing for electronica. here's what i saw:

Rank	Title	Artist	Change
1	Maneater	Nelly Furtado	--
2	Always Something Better (Trentemøller Remix) [B... - Web Search	Trentemøller	+1
3	Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger	Daft Punk	-1
4	Natural Blues	Moby	+3
5	Porcelain	Moby	+1
6	One More Time	Daft Punk	-2
7	Galvanize	The Chemical Brothers	+3
8	Aerodynamic	Daft Punk	-3
9	Hide and Seek	Imogen Heap	-1
10	Digital Love	Daft Punk	-1
11	Extreme Ways	Moby	+5
12	The Rockafeller Skank	Fatboy Slim	--
13	Lift Me Up	Moby	New!
14	Strict Machine	Goldfrapp	New!
15	Around the World	Daft Punk	-1
16	Ooh La La	Goldfrapp	New!
17	Venus	Air	New!
18	Honey	Moby	New!
19	Short Circuit	Daft Punk	-1
20	Cherry Blossom Girl	Air	New!

Can I reprint that? guess I can since it was so very easy to do. copyright infringement shouldn't be that kind ov easy. I apologise for any disorientation, confusion, retching or nausea induced by reading the list above. I promise that i had nothing to do with this list being the way it is, but I'll get to that later first, I have to say this:


Nelly Fucking Furtado? MOBY? Daft Punk? TEN MOTHERFUCKING YEAR OLD FATBOY MOTHERFUCKING SLIM? MUSIC LOVERS OF THE WORLD, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?

I'm sorry about that little outburst it's just that when I look and see that the most marginal artist ever to grace my ears are at the top ov the electronica list It Just Makes Me Go Kinda Stupid In The HeaD, AnD - sorry.

But it's not like I'm blameless. When I got over my initial bafflement and sickened yet impotent rage I looked around for how they got these statistics that created so much wonder within me. It's all from people who:

a) use gtalk.
b) have their message to the world set to 'show current music track'
c) have 'share music listening history with Google Music Trends' selected in the Audio section of their settings.


well, one outta three ain't bad. I loves me some gtalk. Love love loves it, but I'm so very used to displaying little things I think of that are clever in my Lil' message window that I almost never want people to know what I'm listening to instead. I figure they don't really care anyway. but now I DOcare, oh yes indeedy, I care a great deal for what will seem like a very long while in this tangent-prone brain ov mine. I've gone into my gtalk and made the proper arrangements for me to share my musical tastes with the world in the hopes that just one song out of twenty on their list of the most popular will not suck.


And I Urge all of you to do the same. Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends of the Internet and all it Surveys, Lovers of Fine Electronic Music in its Myriad ov Forms, I Implore You! Go to Your Windows Machines (gtalk doesn't work on macs AFIK) throw open your Settings, and Strike a Blow for Taste! Share your Knowledge with the benighted and let them see the Light!

Overall, I blame the French for this list. I haven't actually done any research into the French portion of the electronica listing, but here's how I figure it: while most French techno is only marginally prefferable to suicide, Daft Punk has the ability to slap together a good beat or two once in a while. To the French this makes them musical gods akin to Beethoven for the Germans or Anne Murray for the Canadians. And let's face it, if you think Daft Punk is good then you've just to love premodern-trendsetter Moby and his dated antics.



The rain should stop in a few days, and then I can go outside.

Found My Backup Dream Job.

As those of you who have hotly followed my meandering career path know, I am currently involved at making my dream job, cooking and catering for myself, paying me the huge gobs of cash I know it will. But alas, my friends, I tell you this today; for every dream job you have there are unforseen dream circumstances that may take that job away from you. To this end I have searched high and low to find my very own Backup Dream Job.


The list of potential backup dream jobs was long: bacon taster(still willing to do this part time, btw), paid participant in a twenty year long medical study of the effects of nymphomaniacs on chronic pot smokers, test vacationer for the worlds five-star hotels, comic book critic, and professional bra to name just a few ov the highlights. But leave it to the Inscrutable Asian to create my true Backup Dream Job for me before I even thought ov it: Fake Wedding Priest.


As those of you who have followed my mandering chains of logic over the years know, I dearly love irritating christians. I'm gaga over it and I will never get enough if I live eight lifetimes. When chrisitianity fades away into distant obscurity many thousands of years from now I have orders in my will to have me unfrozen or robotic-cloned or whatever the reanimation fashion is at the time in order to revive christianity across the globe just so i may poke fun at its new adherents. You see, dear reader, I used to want to be a priest but with christianity being pretty much the only thing I was exposed to in the backwards state of Oklahoma I quickly became so baffled with the so called "Truths" about the ineffable purported by this ever-growing cult that I put that notion in the circular file. But it haunted me. It was everywhere I was growing up. the common feeling among Oklahomans is, or at least was, If you weren't a christian and didn't want to be there was something wrong with you; not like in a 'you're sick and must be healed' sort of way, but like in a 'you are the instrument of Lucifer and must be cast out' sort of way. Quite frankly over time I got to enjoy the latter a thousand times times a thousand times more than the former. I dare you to say the last sentence five times fast and then still be able to walk a straight line. And I liked the ritual, the censers, alot of the clothes, the buildings, the dedication that people showed to it, all that kind of stuff. Really and for true I did. Do. It's just that the message of christianity, the ultimate message about how to live in your time before your death and movement on to the next phase of whatever you want to call what we're all experiencing here, the mindset with which to approach living in the world with other cultures and thinkers and belivers and neighbors and the like is very very shortsighted and overconfrontational, with a penchant for the type of deductive reasoning that would embarass even the most junior detective by its possesion. That pithy insight of mine does not even take into account the way that the message of christianity is reinterpreted by many of its supporters, which more often that not descend into pure spiritual lunacy within a few sentences. Let's face it, if you're into spirituality or religion of any type other than christianity, you gotta admit that that if nothing else it's worth a few laughs, wars and genocides aside.


The Japanese have an incredibly low percentage of christians in their country and yet they have this high demand for fake priests because they like the clothes and pretty ritual. I myself have the same interest in reverse when it comes to my own wedding; a Japanese influence across most of the clothing and site and such but no real interest in whatever religion it is that most Japanese profess. So this whole 'fake priest' job is perfect for me. I'd get to fufill my dream of being a preist, my dream of pissing off catholics, and my dream of getting paid to do what i love.

And I wouldn't stop there, nosiree bob! I love the Japanese for their addiction to pop culture and am sure that I could pervert the profession of fake catholic priest into one that both I and the Japanese would love. Think catholic priest with a Sailor Moon outfit on. Think Hello catholic. Dance Dance Weddalution. The possibilities, they just go on and on.


So, If ever I can't go on chefing or catering, if ever I disappear for the Mysterious Orient, just know that somewhere in Japan, at the same time you are thinking of me, I am officiating a fake catholic wedding while wearing a schoolgirl outfit. Viva el Weddalution!